Why does it end this way?
by xXCHAZYWOOXx
Summary: I can see it playing over and over again in my mind and I can't stop it. I don't want to see it anymore. I just want it to go away! I don't want to watch the one man I ever felt connected with change into a monster.
1. Charles' prespective

**A/N: (later chapters are slash..)**

**This is my first time writing in a while, so don't judge.**

**If you would like me to write a similar story as a second chapter, but in Erik's point of view just leave a review. (If you are going to do that, please leave suggestions, they REALLY help me!)**

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><p>The whole occurrence was shadowed and unreal. I can see it playing over and over again in my mind and I can't stop it. I don't want to see it anymore. I just want it to go away! I don't want to watch the one man I ever felt connected with change into a monster.<p>

The image of his hand raising towards the sky haunts my mind as our doom halted for only a moment, before it was about to be forced upon someone else. I can feel my chest once again grow heavy as I realize what he was about to do.

I shout for him to stop.

He refuses.

My heart is beating more rapid and my hands are shaking. _'I can't let them die.' 'I can't let him do this'_

His eyes are grey and determined.

I look out at the ships and I can't help but scream once more, "There are hundreds of men on those ships! Good, honest men!" I look at him.

"There just following_ orders_!" My mouth goes dry the minute I uttered the words. If I just didn't say them... _This is all my fault..._

"I've been at the mercy of men just following orders," he looks at me and my eyes are scared and wide. I'm begging him to stop telepathically, but he can't hear me. "Never again," he says.

I look back out to sea; the missiles are getting closer. Hundreds of minds are wondering: _"is this the end?_"

My mind goes numb and I feel myself running at him, my eyes starting to water as my body clashes with his and we hit the ground. I can already tell that his concentration has been broken. I catch a glimpse of his face, and he's angry with me. I did what I had to do Erik, can't you see? I try to grab at him and hold him down, but he's larger and stronger than I. He easily breaks free and his elbow collides with my face. Dazed and hurt, he easily pushes me off. He gets up and his hand rises again. I can only guess that he has rescued a few missiles.

I hear gun shots and my heart stops. I can't see to well with the pain impairing my eyesight and I start making my way to Erik, thinking for a moment he could be dead. My vision clears for a moment and I can see him deflecting the bullets before something hard and sharp hits my back. I scream, hold it, and fall. My eyes are tightly shut and I'm trembling. My fingers are digging into the sand.

At first I'm calling out for help, though I don't believe I ever said it out loud. I can't feel anything but the pain. I'm scared. I don't want to die. I don't want it to end like this. Not with the last thing on my mind is the betrayal of my closest friend. I want to help him. I want him with me. Why can't he just see past the imperfections of humanity?

The arms that surround me bring me back. The pain in my back increases and I groan. I finally open my eyes to see Erik with regret in his eyes. The sun behind him wrapping around his frame perfectly. He's holding me tight and carefully, and for a second, I see the real him. But suddenly, a shadow crosses over his eyes and he's gone. His grip loosens around me and my security as well.

He looks off into the distance at someone, "You did this." His voice is harsh and angry. I wince slightly at it.

He raises his hand once more and I can hear the sound of someone choking. I'm too afraid to move so I stare at him. Hoping that he'll look back at me. The words came to me all too quickly, and I know he knows them too, although he doesn't want to.

"She didn't do this..._You did._" He looks back at me and only a moment passes before he lowers his arm. He's staring at me in disbelief and I can almost guess what he's thinking. He can't believe I'm blaming_ him_. He can't believe that it was _him_. He can't believe that _he hurt me_. I feel his grip tighten around me, although I'm no longer secured by it. I almost want to break free, but I still can't move. We stare at each other for a moment, each trying to find words.

Finally he speaks, "I want you by my side Charles," he moves me slightly to emphasis his point and his fingers dig uncomfortably into my skin, "we want the same thing." His voice is still gruff and angry. How could he believe that? After all we've been through, he thinks that I could actually hurt another human being?

For a second, I'm gone. My mind goes back to when we met. How I wrapped my arms around him just as tight, and convinced him to save his life. From then on we were friends. We trusted each other... Oh, how it went so wrong! He trusted me enough to hand me a gun and point it at him. Although I never fired, I still helped him achieve his goal. Could this be my fault? Did I make him too powerful? How could I have not seen his ambitions! He is just like the monster that hurt him!

Suddenly I'm forced back to the present and my eyes once again meet his. They are not the same; I can see it very clearly, although his thoughts are blocked from mine. They are cold and relentless. And we no longer are equals. My eyes are wet with tears, and I feel one roll down my cheek. I can't stop apologizing in my head for thinking such terrible things.

I at last manage choke out what I need to say, "I'm sorry my friend, but we do not." What little pity he had for me then was gone. His grip tightened slightly, and for a moment I thought he was going to hurt me again, but he suddenly relents as he motions for the others to come over.

Now, as I look down at my legs, I can't help but wonder... What if I never tried to train him? Would Shaw have gotten away with his plans? Would Erik still be on my side? My eyes are starting to water again, and I feel my cheek getting wet.

"Professor?" A squeaky young voice darts into the room. I look up and see the white haired little orphan I had given a home too. "Professor?" She repeats.

I wipe my eyes and usher her over, "What is the matter Storm?" My voice is calm and relaxed as I cover up my emotions.

She walks over and climbs onto my lap, her innocent eyes full of concern. I can't help but smile.

"What are you thinking about?"

"The usual, my friend, the usual."


	2. Erik's persepctive

Everything that happened then was my fault. Maybe that's why it wouldn't leave my thoughts no matter how hard I willed it to. I have always been able to fight my thoughts and keep them quiet (I had a lot of practice with Charles) but these memories would not leave them. I always find myself wondering, what if I moved the coin? What if I killed Shaw way before, when I actually had the chance? Each new idea that came to me would lead me off until I eventually ended back where I was. A betrayer.

I remember certain parts very clearly..

The water was icy around me. In front of me was an enormous dark ship and I had latched onto it with my magnetism. At first I was able to keep my head above water, taking in gulps of air whenever the water wasn't completely surrounding me. Finally, the submarine submerged itself even more, and I took the best breath I could before being dragged down with it. The muffled sounds of yelling and warnings were drowned out with the force of the water against me.

My ears rung and I could hardly see, but I didn't let go. I couldn't let go. There was a man even worse then I in that damn ship, and I was to see that he never saw light again. He killed my mother, hell, he killed more than her. He tortured me, and who knows who else! He deserved to finally have his past catch up with him. I was determined to make that happen.

I couldn't even feel my lungs burning until I felt a sudden arm grab around my torso. Even then I didn't let go. I couldn't, I just couldn't! I felt the person pulling at me, trying to get me up. I wouldn't budge. Suddenly, there was a sharp noise in my head, and then a voice. He was speaking to me through my mind! How could he do that?

His grip tightened and he pulled a little harder, his voice saying, "I know how much this means to you, but you have to let it go." I relented slightly, not knowing what to do. My lungs were burning even more, and I could feel myself weakening. "You're going to drown." The voice was harsher and more meaningful. I couldn't argue with it, and found myself releasing the one man I truly hated and being pulled up above the water.

I found out how oxygen starved I was as I heaved for air. The waves splashed into me, making it harder to get a full breath. He was still wrapped around me and hadn't let go. I was frustrated that I had lost the one chance to kill Shaw after working so hard. I shoved him unnecessarily hard. "Get off me!" I shouted. I was still gasping and choking on the new found air.

Across from me, the man who saved my life was breathing hard as well. Then it hit me, "You were in my head!" All this time, I thought I was alone..."How'd you do that?" I was panicking slightly, unsure if I should trust this man. What if he worked for Shaw, then again... He did save me.

"I'm like you," he said in a very important voice, then his tone changed to a harsh and warning one, "just calm your mind!" How can I calm my mind? Albeit this was strange, but had I known that in just a few days we would be close friends, I may have just drowned their in disbelief. I coughed as another wave hit me.

"I thought I was alone!" _And I did. I truly did. And I guess I am now, aren't I Charles?_

_These aren't my friends that follow me around. They are my peasants and I am their king. A lonely and corrupt king. _

_You got what you wanted-good you deserved it! A family and friends, just as naive as you. Don't you see, can't you see, they don't want us? It starts with identification, you know it as much as I do. Why do you choose to ignore it?_

I remember when we were defending the inferiors. How for a split second, I might have actually done something good. The minute I saw the man I was destined to kill, I lost every ounce of pity for them that you had given me. I killed him with the coin he so desperately wanted me to move. I showed him my power, and hopefully, it was the last thing he could see as his end came.

From then on I didn't think like I used to when I was around you. No, I had changed back to the man I was before you. I was going to end this with or without your blessing. Somewhere deep inside me, I knew I would never get it again.

Finally I saw the true act of humanity against us. I knew then that we would never be accepted. They fired upon us, their useless missals. I raised my hand and stopped them. My heart pumped a little faster as I slowly turned them around. Charles picked up on my intentions quickly, and instantly started to try and convince me otherwise.

He started shouting for me to stop.

I ignored him.

This had to be done. I had to make an example. We-are the-better men.

Charles is looking at me now, although my eyes are fixed on the missiles and the duty at hand.

"There are hundreds of men on those ships! Good, honest men!" He says, his voice cracks slightly as he continues, "They're just following orders."

Images fly through my mind of all the torture I had been but through. These men deserved to die. I don't think I have ever felt more hatred, other for Shaw, then right then, "I've been at the mercy of men just following orders," I looked at him, just so that my message was clear, "never again." His eyes widened slightly in disbelief.

With that, I pushed the missiles forward.

I could hear them whistling through the air, and imagine the faces of all those that were on the receiving end. Those despicable creatures.

Suddenly, I felt something crash into my side and the air shot out of my lungs. I hit the sand hard, and I felt a body on top of me, reaching and grasping for the helmet. I glared.

"I don't want to hurt you Charles!" I warned, trying to push him off me. I could feel the missiles falling down, and my mission failing. I took a cheap shot to his face with my elbow and threw him off. I got up quick and raised my hand again, rescuing a few missiles. Although I had lost many, I could still take out the ships.

I felt the movement of a metal object to my left, as I looked I found my eyes trailing the inside of the barrel of a gun. I kept my one arm focused on the missiles while the other deflected the bullets coming my way.

_Charles, you need to understand one thing. If I had known they were going to hit you, I would have never had done this. I would have never have sacrificed your legs. I have such great respect for you, and if it came down to it, I may have taken the bullets myself rather than have you suffer._

I heard him scream before I knew what had happened. I dropped the missiles immediately, they didn't matter anymore. I ran to him and pulled his body from the ground, removing the bullet in the process. I stared at him with regret filling my senses. I felt his body quivering in my arms. _'No no no no NO!' _was all I could think._ I was scared Charles, I didn't want to lose my friend!_

I looked up at the woman who had shot at me and raised my hand. "You did this," I said, not believing it, but hoping for a second that it wasn't me. I felt the metal around her neck and pushed it up into it.

All I could see was revenge. It was all I could think about at that point. It had to be anyone but me. I couldn't have been the one to hurt him.

"She didn't do this Erik, _you did._"

My heart stopped. I can't believe he's blaming _me!_ I can't believe that it was _me!_ I can't believe that I hurt _him!_ I tighten my grip around him. I can see a look on his face that shows that he doesn't want me near him. That he's scared of me now. _You shouldn't be scared of me.. I would never hurt you..._

I stare at him, at a loss for words. He keeps his eyes on me, still scared and still hurting. I need to comfort him in some way.

"I want you by my side Charles," I finally say. My grip tightens once again as I move his body slightly with my words, "we want the same thing!" I'm still angry at myself and confused. My voice reflects that.

I see tears forming in his eyes and I have no clue what to do. My grip loosens almost completely as he speak your next words, "I'm sorry my friend, but we do not."

_Charles, we always wanted the best for our mutants didn't we? How is that not the same? Did you refuse to be at my side because you were scared of me? I'll never hurt you, never again! _

I can't look at him anymore so I finally allow the others over.

And then I leave him.

Hurt and helpless on a beach surrounded by those who care for him.

I should have stayed.

I should have never gone against your wishes.

Maybe you would still have your legs.

Maybe we would still be friends.

_Oh, how we can only wonder, right Charles?_


	3. After Cuba

**A/N- This is sort of a scrap thing I wrote while I was bored. It doesn't really have to do with the story, so just enjoy.**

It was a few weeks after what happened in Cuba. I was sitting alone for once; there wasn't a soul in sight. No more thoughts to hear. It was completely lonely.

I was running a hand along one of my legs, just to see. I knew I would never be able to feel it, but there was always hope. I looked forward to see in front of me a fire Hank was kind enough to make for me before he left with the others.

It hurt my eyes to keep staring, but I wanted to keep my mind from running back to what had happened. My fingers trailed idly around the cold rim of a glass half filled with wine. My back was resting against my wheelchair.

I don't know why I'm still here. I could have left with the others, but I refused. I didn't want to go anywhere. I just wanted to be alone, I suppose. With such silence, my mind was free to roam around and stretch its many ideas across the halls of my humble home. It scanned around the outside of it, and down the track. I could almost hear the birds chirping as they flew.

Although animals do not think, I can use their senses as my own, I can feel the breeze as the birds soar, and the ground beneath my paws as a cat stretches out under a tree. I can use their eyes to look around and see if there is anyone else but me here.

I keep looking around my home, over and over, as if I want someone to come in. I don't understand why I'm so eager for a visitor, what would I do with them?

I looked down at my legs once more. I keep tapping my fingers along them. The sensation is new to me. The feeling of no feeling. It may not make sense, but it's as if its not there. Or as if they are not mine anymore. That their only purpose is to haunt me. They only serve as a dark reminder now of what had happened. _I believe I had never seen eyes so cold..._

It could be him I'm still looking for... I don't know anymore. He probably will never take that helmet off, but I'll keep trying. I'll keep expanding my mind until I find something new, and hope, and only hope that he might turn around and see me.

What would he do?

Would he welcome me, or apologize? Would he even care? I hope he has not fallen too far; I want him by my side as well. Only, I want him _on_ my side. I want him to be able to see the world as I see it. Oh, and I do believe he wishes the same.

I touch my legs again. My cheeks are getting wet. I rest my head on my chest and close my eyes to see such cold eyes looking back at me. I whisper what I hear,

_"I will count to three," He says, "and then I'll move the coin."_

_Such cold unfeeling eyes..._

_"One."_

_I'm panicking now. I know what he's going to do, or at least I assume. I can't move, and I can't call out for help. _

_"Two."_

_Please release me! I'm begging for the hold on me to lessen. The coin is getting close and I still can't move. Oh goodbye Emma... How could I have created this, and not have seen it coming?_

_"Three." I'm screaming now. At least I think I am. I don't know where I am anymore. Everything's going black. I can feel the metal slicing through my skin, and then tearing apart my brain. Every thought is getting harder to think, and every breath brings on more pain. I can feel my soul slipping into oblivion._

And then it ends.

I open my eyes and I'm on a plane, looking out onto a beach. I'm trying to put my thoughts together... I was Shaw for a moment... I felt everything he felt and now I'm scared.

I know what he can do.

I blink and I'm brought back to my living room. I'm gasping for air as if I forgot to breathe. I look around and see a clock hanging above the fireplace. It's late. I must have fallen asleep.

I sit up a little more straight and look off to my side to see I had spilt my wine. I groan slightly and start to move the wheelchair back into place so I can climb aboard it.

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><p>And that's when I see him. Struggling to get onto his wheel chair that I had put him in. At first his eyes are wide and scared, like he doesn't understand what he's seeing. I'm watching him very carefully. Observing every move he makes, and I see very clearly, that he is frozen in fear.<p>

At first, I like the feeling of this effect on him. As I watch his hands quivering slightly at the mere sight of me, the fondness leaves me completely. The sudden urge to comfort him kicks in.

I remove my gaze from him, hoping that would relieve some of the affect of my appearance.

I'm looking at a stain upon the floor. Finally, after a few moments of silence, I find the words I need to say.

"I'm not here to hurt you." At least, not at the moment. I wince slightly thinking that he could have heard me, but I soon realize that I'm blocked from him. And maybe that's what adds to the fear, he could have easily known why I was here before, but now, he can't know.

And he won't _ever._

"I wish I could trust you," He croaks out. His voice is harsh and quivering. His scared eyes dart around my body for any signals of my desires.

My eyes narrow, "I wish you weren't such a fool."

He responds with a slight glare shadowing over his eyes, "Why are you here then?" His voice is heavy with his apprehension.

"On a social visit," I casually move into the room more getting closer to him. His body tenses as he looks at me with questioning eyes.

"That's not like you."

"How would_ you_ know?" I tap the helmet gingerly. Charles glares.

Erik moves closer, before he finally sits next to the disabled. He's staring with the cold eyes Charles remembers.

Charles leans back slightly, feeling uncomfortable and his suspicion growing.

"Where have you been?" His voice is weaker, as he doesn't want to provoke the other mutant.

"You haven't figured that out?"

"I haven't tried too." The truth was he didn't want to know where Erik was. If he did, it would mean he would only have to fight him sooner.

Erik leans in closer, "You're terrified of me?"

Charles stops trying to move away, "You don't trust me anymore," he motions to the helmet.

Erik ignores him, "I'd never hurt you."

The telepath glares, "but you did didn't you Erik," Erik, stunned, looks at his legs, "Oh not those!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You left me alone."

"I-"

"You left me _alone_ Erik."

"But the others?"

"I didn't need them. _I needed you."_


	4. You tricked me

**ARAGADFASFADSF, I hate cursing. I'm sorry. It's like one word, please forgive me. But I mean, it's Erik, and he's GERMAN, he's going to curse! fdkajflds;laf **

**Again. My apologies. (BTW, I got lazy when it changed to Charles's perspective. I'm just writing to write, this whole scene was never previously thought up. I just find it so much easier to write in first person for some reason...Huh...)**

**Bad ending I'm sorry…**

**Do you have any suggestions to make it better? Please review! I live off'em.**

I gasped at what he said. He needed me? He didn't need me, why would he need me? I hurt him! I took away his legs, all his hope of us ever working together. I took away his trust and his belief in me.

I cocked my head to the side slightly, staring into those beautiful crystal blue eyes. I was at a loss for words. My mouth hung open and there was dryness in my throat.

My mind was running with thoughts that I couldn't understand. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to grab him by the shoulders and stand him up. I wanted to take away the pain of his legs. I wanted to look deep into his eyes and never see fear again. But there was another part of me growing inside. That part wanted nothing more to do with him. Was it the guilt, I couldn't say, but its urge to run and run fast away from those eyes was strong. I felt my body stiffen slightly as I fought it.

Charles was getting worried. His eyes shifted from one eye, to the other, to the helmet, and back to my eyes. I haven't answered him, and he sat there, under his wheelchair that he hasn't found the strength to get on, staring back at me. I blunk slightly as I licked my lips to try and get more moisture. I was on my knees next to him, still higher, looking down at him. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to push him away. I wanted to understand what I was doing.

I was getting angry. I clenched my hands and unclenched them, still speechless. What was I supposed to say? What was I supposed to do?

I remembered back when I wasn't this torn. I remember opening myself up to him. Letting him see the real Erik Lenscherr. And he didn't judge me. He would smile, rest his hand on my face, look deep into my eyes, and tell me I was perfect no matter how much imperfection I felt.

I remember us playing chess. His eyes would twinkle as he thought about his next move. He would squirm around in his chair, inspecting the chess board like it was a real battle field. Then he would look at me, with this incredible grin on his face that flashed his perfect teeth, and move his piece.

"Checkmate," He would say. Leaning back in his chair.

I would act surprised and even angry. It always amused him.

"You know," I would say, "If this was real, I'd kick your ass."

He would laugh and shake his head, "I believe you would."

I would laugh then and smile. We would drink our drinks together just sitting in comfortable silence, before one of us, usually Charles, would set the game back up. I looked forward to that. I loved playing chess with him. He always found a way to make me feel happy when I thought I long forgot the emotion.

I was forced back into the room when I felt a hand on my face. I looked at him. He was staring still, but I saw no fear. Then my eyes widened. He had taken off my helmet.

I grabbed his wrist forcefully.

"You tricked me," I growled. His eyes widen, fear suddenly flickered into them.

"No Erik, I just wanted to know-" I started. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. Oh what a mistake! I didn't know what to do. I pulled my arm slightly, but his grip was harsh.

"What I was thinking?" He interrupted. His eyes were getting cold. They were so warm before, I though I had my friend back. I thought it was what he wanted me to do... I thought...

"Y-yes, but I just thought..." His grip tightened and I stopped talking. I was scared. I projected myself into his head. Trying to find out what he was going to do.

"Get out of my head Xavier," He never used my last name. I tried to pull again but his grip tightened even more I couldn't help but whimper. I sat their helpless, begging him with my eyes to let me go. If he didn't, I would have to stop him.

Erik's glare lightened slightly. He moved a bit closer to me looking into my eyes. I stared at him fear starting to overwhelm me. I was shaking. He looked at me like he would Shaw. Like I betrayed him. Tears started to form in my eyes.

"Oh Erik, I'm sorry!" I finally shouted bowing my head. He released me confused.

"What are you talking about Charles?" He moved back, uneasy.

I was shaking my head, "I don't blame you, I don't!" My voice was cracking and I couldn't look at him anymore. "I should have... I should have" I was running out of breath. I don't know exactly when, but he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.

I cried into his turtle neck, my fingers grabbing the fabric and holding on tight. I didn't want him to go again. I didn't want to look at him and be scared anymore. I wanted to be safe with him. But I think I never will...

I sniffled and tried to compose myself. I think I might have been a little tipsy from the wine, because by the time I had finished my outburst and my tears had all fallen, I was resting my head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat. My eyelids closing as I suddenly felt drowsy.

He held onto me until I had fallen asleep, and when I woke up the next day, I was tucked into my bed. I smiled slightly, feeling safe.

I looked at the door and frowned. I wish he would come back...


End file.
